


The Post Access Act

by deianaera



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-03
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-02-05 14:55:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1822492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deianaera/pseuds/deianaera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eddie, Romilda, and Zacharias formed the PaLS, the Pureblood Lobbyist Society, to function as a dedicated audience for their cleverness and a mutual support group for their work. When a squib named Freddy Black uses a potion to drug Muggle women and gets caught, the PaLS deal with the fallout and each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am deeply, deeply grateful to my RL friend M. for stepping in and providing Beta services. It's been a long (long!) time since I've done this. [](http://tamlane.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://tamlane.livejournal.com/)**tamlane** , thank you for the awesome prompt. Most of all, thank you all for reading – I hope you enjoy.

**The Post Access Act**

**December 2018**

> Daily Prophet
> 
> 19 And Counting  
>  How Many Muggles Did Freddy Black Attack?  
>  by Miles Farrow
> 
> The news coming out about Freddy Black from the Muggle world continues to get worse. According to the Crown Solicitor (Muggle Interrogator before their Wizengamot) for the case, 19 women have come forward to claim that Black attacked them. Muggle Aurors publicly speculate that more victims may be out there and they want them to come forward.
> 
> While the Muggle Aurors attribute Black’s attacks to their “drug” GHB, our own Aurors have found that Black was, in fact, purchasing the “Passionate Embrace” potion from Essential Potions via owl order and giving the potion to unsuspecting Muggle women. As Black is a squib, the MLE has chosen to allow the Muggle prosecution to move forward without their input.
> 
> “Besides,” MLE spokeswitch Lamia Caraway added, “technically, he didn’t commit a crime in our world. We can’t just haul him into Azkaban because he gave Muggles a legally brewed potion.”
> 
> Essential Potions declined to comment for this story, referring to their original statement that “‘Passionate Embrace’ is a potion designed for couples looking to add spice to their relationship. We abhor this clear abuse of the potion and are fully cooperating with the MLE in their investigations.”

Eddie was enjoying the Ministry’s annual holiday party when Felicia Chang sauntered over to him with purpose. He smiled and sipped his cocktail as he enjoyed her hip-swaying walk and speculated on her purpose. Her role as head of the Ministry’s secretarial pool ensured her access to any and every ear she wanted. If she wanted his ear - or any other part belonging to a man - she had his understandably divided attention.

“Eddie,” she purred with the faintest hint of an accent. “I was hoping to find you tonight.”

“Felicia, I am at your disposal,” he replied gallantly. Spotting a passing house elf, he deposited his glass on its tray and offered the gorgeous witch his arm.

“Oh, I do love a gentleman,” she said laughingly as she took his arm and guided him onto the dance floor.

Settling into a simple dance, Eddie let the steps he was taught as a child take over as Felicia’s perfume enticed him. She followed his lead, her steps as tutored as his own. A small smile teased the corners of her mouth as they passed a clearly Muggle-born couple awkwardly attempting the same dance.

“Ah, I do love these gatherings,” Felicia murmured. “A constant reminder of the importance of good breeding.”

Eddie chuckled. “Or the importance of etiquette lessons.”

“Too true. Too many of the so-called up-and-comers seem to lack even basic manners,” Felicia replied with a hint of bitterness.

“Oh? I would have thought anyone being groomed for advancement would have that drilled into them early on.”

“You would think, wouldn’t you? But, no. I mean, take this whole Freddy Black mess. It used to be when a family was so unfortunate as to have a squib, they would make sure he was taken care of. They would provide him with the means to earn a living in our world. Now, they find themselves squeezed out to fend for themselves any way they can. And if they happen to make a mistake, they find themselves outcast in two worlds for it. It’s a shame.”

“From what I heard, Black wasn’t exactly selling Pepper-Up,” Eddie replied carefully.

“Oh, I know it,” Felicia replied rapidly. “But, well, they were all Muggles. It’s not like anyone really got hurt. And now that Weasley woman with the horrid hair is actually planning to police the post!”

Eddie nearly stumbled on a spin on that. “How can she possibly think that could work? No one would stand for it!”

“Oh, she’s got the Minister in her pocket. Or other places. How else could so many of these Muggle protection laws get pushed through?”

The song ended and Felicia disengaged from him gracefully. “Well, thank you for the lovely dance, Eddie. I knew I could count on you for a proper spin,” she said with a feline grin.

Eddie bowed and kissed her hand. “My pleasure Felicia. Anytime I can oblige you, I shall.”

Mulling over the gossip Felicia shared, Eddie sought out his counterpart, Romilda Vane. Where Eddie was his own man, with his own consulting business, Romilda was attached to the Potioneer Society as its Ministry strategist. A good deal of her work focused on laws pertaining to potion sales and their distribution. She had been working overtime since it had come out that the potions Black used to drug those Muggle women had come from one of the better-known manufacturers, Essential Potions.

Romilda was seated at a table with Honoria Shacklebolt, the Prophet’s Ministry reporter. She liked to style herself a “senior correspondent” and the Prophet humored her since she was the second cousin of Kingsley Shacklebolt. Her Malfoy kinship altered the Shacklebolt dark skin to something the color of tea with heavy cream and gave her a riot of blonde curls. Her handsome features spoke of her relationship to the minister and Eddie remember the one night he’d spent with her when he first started working the Ministry fondly.

Romilda was animated in her speech to the reporter and she smouldered in wine red robes that paired well with her dark heavy hair and pale skin. Still, where Honoria looked - and was - a great deal of fun to be with, Romilda left him cold. He knew she was a Gryffindor but he’d be willing to swear she was planted in the house by Salazar Slytherin himself. Nevertheless, he put on a smile and made his way to the women.

“Romilda, Honoria, may I join you?” he asked with a smile and a wink for Honoria.

“Oh, Eddie, you’re always welcome! Take a seat,” Honoria said, gesturing to the empty seat next to her.

“Thank you, “ he said, seating himself. “I was hoping to run into you tonight, Romilda.”

“Oh? Come to gloat some more?” she spit.

“Not at all! I actually came in friendship, I swear! I merely heard some interesting news and thought you should know,” Eddie said, avidly aware of Honoria leaning in oh-so-casually to not miss a syllable.

“Really? Do tell,” Romilda purred.

“A friend of mine confided in me that there’s a new Muggle protection law coming along because of the Black...problem,” Eddie said delicately and the look of pure fury that crossed Romilda’s face at its mention made him glad he refrained from more accurate terms. “The MLE plans to police the post to protect Muggles from our world.”

“Really?” Romilda said. “Who’s brilliant idea was that?”

“Who else, my dear? The champion of the Muggle-borns herself, Hermione Weasley,” Eddie replied.

“Now isn’t that interesting,” Romilda said absently, naked calculation on her features. “Honoria, I think we’ll pick up our conversation tomorrow. I’m afraid I have some work to do.”

“Oh, of course, Romilda. I know how these things happen. I’m sure Eddie will keep me company.”

“Thanks, Eddie,” Romilda said, her thoughts elsewhere as she rose from the table.

Eddie waved her off and turned his attention to his companion. Every good deed deserves a reward.

**January 2019**

> Daily Prophet
> 
> MLE Champions New Muggle-born Supremacy Bill Before Wizengamot  
>  Hermione Weasley leads the charge  
>  by Honoria Shacklebolt, senior correspondent
> 
> Ms. Weasley, as she prefers to be called, is leading the charge in the latest onslaught on traditional Wizarding culture. Her latest effort in destruction is simply the “Post Access Act”, an innocuous name that belies it poison. Ms. Weasley, nee Granger, claims that the bill will simply promote greater access to the Wizarding world for the immediate family of Muggle-borns, such as herself, as well as helping preserve the statute of Secrecy in regards to Owl Post communications between our world and the Muggle one.
> 
> “Ms. Shacklebolt, the idea that this bill is harmful is ridiculous! It is merely about refining the coordination of the Owl Post with standard Muggle post to ensure that Muggle-borns have better communication with their families. It is also designed to help preserve the secrecy of our world by ensuring contraband magical items are not transmitted via Owl Post to Muggles. Honestly! Not everything has to be a conspiracy!” said Ms. Weasley when pressed for details before flouncing off in a huff.
> 
> See page 7 for more information about the contents of this bill, page 8 for more about Ms. Weasley’s ties to Muggle supremacy groups.

Eddie casually tossed the paper into the center of the table, neatly missing the candlelit centerpiece but sending it careening into Romilda’s wine glass. The nearly full glass toppled, sending red wine in a splattering arc across Romilda’s designer white blouse. Both Eddie and Zacharias struggled to hide their smirks.

“Hey!” Romilda exclaimed angrily. With a snarl marring her perfect crimson lips, she whipped out her wand and quickly siphoned the wine from her top, restoring it to pristine condition. Still, she dabbed at the space the stain inhabited while glaring at him. “This is a DG original!”

Eddie took his customary seat at Zacharias Smith’s left with careless aplomb and signaled for service before returning her comment. “Page three. Let me know if you need help with the larger words.”

Zacharias was already chuckling into his whiskey as Romilda stopped fretting over her shirt and snatched up the paper. Eddie’s help with larger words was not needed, but he noted that her mouth did move as she read. When she finished the main article, she tossed the paper back onto the table and sat back with a satisfied smirk on her face.

“I really ought to treat Honoria to dinner. This should kill that stupid bill before it even gets started.”

Zacharias snorted and set down his drink. His ice blue eyes bored into Romilda’s face until she looked away.

“Really, Romilda? Essential Potions was encouraging its customers to use Owl Post to ship its more illicit potions to known Muggle environments. Everyone knows it. Anyone who ever bought one of their potions knows it. And if it hadn’t been for Freddy Black, they may have even been able to keep it up. But Freddy did get caught and you’re remarkably lucky Muggle authorities are clueless and mistook the potion for one of their drugs. Otherwise, you probably would be out a job.

“The Ministry has to do something to look like its combating things like Black and unless someone puts something better on the table, then the Post Access Act will end up law.”

“Well, we still accomplished part of our goal - we did crack the Muggle market, although in a less-than-savory fashion. Now when we get this bill killed, potioneers and apothecaries of all stripes should be able to expand into more appropriate markets. Which is better than you have accomplished, Zachy.” Romilda added with a wide shark smile.

Now it was Zacharias’s turn to grouse. He flushed an unbecoming shade of red, which just made Romilda grin even more.

“Look, antiques-” Zacharias began before Romilda cut him off with a scarlet-tipped wave of her hand.

“Don’t bullshit us, Zacharias. We know what Borgin and Burkes and their ilk deal in,” she said flatly.

“As I was saying before I was so rudely - and crassly - interrupted, antiques is a fixed market, without the wild fluctuations of trade. My business has been steady and secure; we’ve no need to break into Muggle markets to keep afloat.”

“Still, I could use a hand from you two on this. If it’s just me pushing this down, then what you said is right Zacharias - they’ll find another bill. But if you two can give me hand, then shutting this nonsense down shouldn’t be a problem.”

Zacharias sipped his whisky before nodding. “That makes sense. We rarely use the post to ship, but I think Borgin and Burke has little interest in having its packages available for inspection. After all,” he said with a knowing smirk, “we do pride ourselves on discretion.”

Eddie grinned. “Why not? But you’ll owe me a favor, Romilda.”

Romilda nodded. “Then let’s get to work.”

~/~/~

Next Tuesday found Zacharias, Romilda, and Eddie crossing paths in the lower levels of the ministry building. Each one was armed with the talking points of their particular associations and ready to jump into subtle fray of derailing a bill in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.

Eddie decided this was the perfect place for a bit of interdepartmental friction. As any family with a house elf knew, prior to her move to the MLE, Granger had been in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. She had not made friends in her zealous quest to upend the established households of many of the most powerful and well-regarded names in the country by freeing house elves from their chosen families. Post owls fell in the category of magical creatures. So, to begin, Eddie scheduled lunch with an old family friend, Henry Bagshot; he also just happened to be the assistant secretary for the under secretary of the Owl Postmaster General.

Eddie booked a seat in the private dining hall in the Ministry cafeteria for lunch and arrived ten minutes ahead of schedule to make sure someone hadn’t bribed Ophelia Figg-Price into “forgetting” his reservation. Sometimes he realized it was a good thing that visitors were forced to check their wands at the door; Ophelia was never that bright to begin with and every time he dealt with her malicious grift he itched to hex her from London to Paris and back again. Still, he smiled and complimented her on her perfume - a stench that compared unfavorably to cat piss and her own personal brew - and he had his table, perfectly positioned to allow him to observe without being observed while he waited for Henry.

Over in far corner he could see Zacharias talking with Alphard Wiggins, the assistant head of the Office of Misuse of Muggle Artifacts - too obviously secretive, he mentally chided. Zacharias could never get off his high horse long enough to flatter Ophelia into better seating. Romilda was talking with Marietta Edgecombe, who had joined her mother in the Floo Control office. Despite their close seating and low tones, their spiteful words carried well. Romilda probably commented on Ophelia’s perfume to be so well acoustically placed for eavesdropping.

He was ready to settle into overhearing Romilda’s gossip-fest when Henry walked in. It was clear he thought himself important - he had the fine robes and perfectly tied cravat that screamed ‘poseur’ - but no one even noticed his entrance. A pout was forming on Henry’s round face as he approached Eddie’s isolated table.

Eddie stood up and greeted him with a firm handshake. “Cousin Henry! So glad you find time in your busy schedule to dine with me. I hope you don’t mind, I took the liberty of reserving a private table - don’t want you getting mobbed with work while you should be taking a well-deserved break, eh?” he said with a shared chuckle. Henry, properly mollified, wedged his oversized form into the chair opposite Eddie.

Another reason for this particular table - the acoustics were horrid in this part of the room. Even a well placed Extendable Ear had a hard time overhearing conversations in this part of the room.

“Cousin Henry, Eddie? Really? How big of a favor do you need to dredge up that tie?” Henry said with a wide smile.

“It’s true enough, Henry and I do recall you being introduced to me as such at a family gathering after the unpleasantness with You-Know-Who. Besides, who said I was asking for a favor?” Eddie replied with a grin and signaled the waiting house elf to order.

Eddie and Henry ordered their lunch - a simple soup and fish entree for him, an aged red elf-made wine, rare steak and butter-poached fish for Henry. Henry waited for the wine and drank deeply before continuing.

“I know you’re asking for a favor, Eddie. Everyone does, considering my position,” he said, puffing up his chest. “So, who's mail do you want re-routed to the Prophet?”

“No one’s,” Eddie replied with a sip of water. “I just wanted to talk to you and see how you were faring now that your department’s been taken over by the MLE.”

Henry fumbled his goblet. “We’re not being taken over by the MLE! Where’d you hear that nonsense?” he sputtered as he snapped for their attending house elf to clear the mess.

Eddie opened his eyes wide. “I’m sorry, Henry, I just assumed and wanted to find out how it was going to work. You know my work - it’s always helpful to understand what’s going on here.”

“Oh, I do, I do. But why would you ever assume that the Owl Post would fall under MLE’s jurisdiction? We’ve nothing to do with law enforcement.”

“Didn’t you hear about the Post Access Act? I mean, if the MLE is going to have authority to determine delivery destinations and inspect parcels for dark artifacts, then it seems to me that they are taking over the Owl Post itself.”

“What’s this about the Post Access Act? I certainly didn’t write any such thestral shit.”

“Oh, I know you wouldn’t, Henry. According to the Prophet, it was Hermione Weasley in the MLE who wrote it up after that mess with Freddy Black using potions on Muggles.”

“Hermione. Weasley.” Henry ground out bitterly. “That bitch.”

Their meals arrived at that point and the prospect of eating fine on Eddie’s knut made the rest of the lunch pleasant and Eddie parted company after finishing his fish. Henry was still swilling wine. On the way out, he settled the account with Ophelia, who was now scent free. He whistled as he exited the Ministry and returned to his office in Commerce Alley; this had been a productive day.

**February 2019**

> Daily Prophet
> 
> Weasley Bill at Heart of Inter-Departmental Dispute  
>  Will the Minister be forced to mediate?  
>  by Honoria Shacklebolt, senior correspondent
> 
> Shouts erupted from the Ministry last week as the heads of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, the Magical Transportation Department, and the Department of Magical Law Enforcement fought over which department should have jurisdiction of Owl Post regulation. Sources in the Ministry confirm that Ms. Weasley’s contention new bill, the Post Access Act, was the cause of the dispute.
> 
> “You would think she had better things to do, but apparently all she can think about is more ways to meddle,” one source confided anonymously.
> 
> Another, Greg Lounds from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, had this to say: “Her tendency to abuse her status as a so-called ‘war heroine’ and the friend of the Boy-Who-Lived shows itself again. She used her time in my department to ram house elf legislation down the throats of good wizarding families across Britain and now she’s looking to do the same in the Department for Magical Law Enforcement. We breathed a sigh of relief when she left for the MLE; it’s a shame that we still have to deal with her outrageous ideas now.”
> 
> Sources close to Ms. Weasley commented, but their words, sadly, are not fit for this august publication.
> 
> The Ministry and the Department for Magical Law Enforcement declined to comment for this article.
> 
> See page 9 for more information about the contents of this bill, page 16 for more about Ms. Weasley’s contentious work in the Ministry.

Eddie hadn’t seen Honoria’s article when he joined Zacharias and Romilda for dinner. Still, their satisfied smiles told him something unpleasant must be in the wind for someone. Zacharias never smiled unless someone was getting fucked over and he was responsible for it. Romilda smiled all the time, but she only meant it when blood was in the water. No wonder they never laughed. He took his seat with a bit of trepidation. It wouldn’t be the first time that he was the reason for their malicious joy.

He sat down and ordered his drink, waiting for them to drop the news on him. It didn’t take long for Romilda to crack and show him the article. When he finished reading it, Romilda saluted him with her glass and said, “Well, Eddie, I’ll take it you’re responsible for getting Magical Creatures on board. Nice touch, by the way.”

Eddie nodded and raised his glass in return. “I saw you lunching with Marietta Edgecombe last month. Let me return the compliment. Floo Control is an inspired touch.”

Zacharias’s smile fell and he glowered at his companions. “What? No congratulations for getting MLE to look at this in a new light?”

Eddie chuckled and saluted him with his glass. “I think there’s quite enough to go around, Zacharias. There’s no way they’ll sort out this snarl without killing the Post Access Act.”

Zacharias’s smile return. “Too true. MLE is adamant that since it’s their bill and they are law enforcement, they will naturally have to take over the Post. They don’t want to do it, but ‘for the good of Merlin and wizards’ they’ll make the sacrifice.”

Eddie nodded. “A toast. To wizarding nature. May it always be contrary.”

~/~/~

Two weeks later, Eddie was in his office reviewing a brief on miscegenation laws when his secretary, Lisette, rapped on the door.

“Mr. Carmichael, a Mr. Weasley is here to see you,’ she announced, faintly disapproving as she added, “He doesn’t have an appointment.”

Eddie set aside the brief and said, “Let him in Lisette.” Pitching his voice to carry, he added, “No need to keep Mr. Weasley waiting. He’s a very important man.”

George Weasley, dressed in lurid magenta robes with worn dragon hide boots peeking out from the hem, brushed past Lisette and into his office and seated himself before Eddie. Lisette discretely closed the door, leaving them alone.

“Carmichael, I’m afraid I’m in need of your services,” Weasley said bluntly.

“Of course, Mr. Weasley. How can I help you?” Eddie asked respectfully.

“This Post Access Act,” he began, but Eddie interrupted.

“Is dead on arrival,” he assured him.

“I know, Carmichael. That’s the problem,” George said with a sigh. “I had significant investments tied into research on packaging designed to provide privacy when the law went into effect. The research is expensive, but providing fruit. But without the Post Access Act, I have no ready market. WWW has enough competition now that I need that first comer position. You’re the best in the business at navigating the Ministry. I need you to get the bill back on track.”

“Why are you talking to me? This is your sister-in-law’s bill. Shouldn’t you just talk to her about it?”

George laughed, a ghost of his youth. “Yeah, you’ve never dealt with Hermione when it comes to ethics, have you?”

“Not true. I remember her well as a swotty prefect back when we were at Hogwarts. She confiscated tons of contraband, especially during OWLs.”

“She’s worse now. No talking about bills in the family. Not even the appearance of anything resembling nepotism or improper behavior. If I tried to bring this up to her, she’d snatch my other ear off my head,” George said.

“As unpleasant as that sounds, you have to know that this isn’t going to be easy,” Eddie said quietly. “Her bill kicked off some massive infighting at the Ministry.”

“I’ll double your normal fee,” George said soberly.

“But that just means a talented peacemaker is needed,” Eddie added smoothly. “I’m sure I can help you in this matter.”

George smiled and stood up, then shook Eddie’s hand. “I knew I could count on you, Carmichael. Send me your owl when you’ve got the matter resolved.”

Before Eddie could offer any other remarks, he left the office. However, the mess was still here. Weasley Wizarding Wheezes would be a lucrative customer if he could cultivate this into a long-term relationship. And it wasn’t like Romilda was paying him for derailing the bill to begin with. Now, he just had to figure out how to undo what they had done.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie, Romilda, and Zacharias formed the PaLS, the Pureblood Lobbyist Society, to function as a dedicated audience for their cleverness and a mutual support group for their work. When a squib named Freddy Black uses a potion to drug Muggle women and gets caught, the PaLS deal with the fallout and each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am deeply, deeply grateful to my RL friend M. for stepping in and providing Beta services. It's been a long (long!) time since I've done this. [](http://tamlane.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://tamlane.livejournal.com/)**tamlane** , thank you for the awesome prompt. Most of all, thank you all for reading – I hope you enjoy.

**The Post Access Act**

**March 2019**

> Daily Prophet
> 
> Minister Mediates Inter-Departmental War  
>  Can Kingsley Shacklebolt bring peace to the Ministry?  
>  by Honoria Shacklebolt, senior correspondent
> 
> Our illustrious Minister of Magic has found himself in the role of mediator as the inter-departmental fighting sparked by the ill-conceived Post Access Act has spilled over into absolute gridlock. One senior Ministry source confided, “It’s impossible to get anything done right now. Even the memo planes are being sabotaged! Who ever heard of transfiguring a paper plane into an actual plane? Why, a recent invite to my boss was actually set on fire by another department’s memo!”
> 
> Ministry employees are now routinely employing shielding charms for both their memos and their persons to ensure that they traverse the Ministry successfully. This correspondent hopes that Kingsley Shacklebolt can bring peace to a Ministry on the brink of war.
> 
> The Ministry declined to comment for this article.
> 
> See page 23 for more information about the contents of this bill.

Eddie made it a point to arrive early for his monthly dinner with Romilda and Zacharias. His new client make it important that he feel out his comrades in arms. He knew Romilda wanted the bill dead; every day it was alive was another day the Black debacle was alive in the press. And her antipathy for the Weasleys was well known. Zacharias was an unknown, however. He may be persuadable as this bill would have little impact on his employer, Borgin and Burke. In fact, if he could get him to see the same angle as Weasley Wizarding Wheezes, he may even be able to get Zacharias to use his connections to help him get the bill passed.

His hopes sank a bit when Romilda and Zacharias arrived together, laughing and arm-in-arm. They sank further when Zacharias pulled out Romilda’s chair for her and sat beside her instead of in his customary seat on the far side of the table.

Taking a large sip of his wine, Eddie remarked casually, “You two seem rather cozy.”

Romilda giggled and it shredded his hope like shards of glass. “Oh, Zacharias were just reminiscing about Hogwarts and remembering some of the more amusing incidents from our time there. I, for one, had no idea Hermione Weasley once resembled a buck-toothed rodent!”

“Oh, yes,” Zacharias agreed. “Hair, teeth, and a hand waving in the air. You remember, Eddie? You ever have a class with her?”

Another gulp of wine allowed him to respond calmly. “No. I was a year ahead of her.”

Zacharias snorted. “Count your blessings. She was shrill, vain, annoying swot then. Pity that never changed.”

“Pity no one else sees it,” Romilda added.

Eddie shrugged. So much for help in this quarter. His hope were now mouldering in a grave. he was on his own and up against the Romilda, who was peerless at character assassination, and Zacharias, who knew where all the bodies were buried - and what their estates had left behind that the heirs didn’t want to discuss.

“So, what brought on this talk?” Eddie asked.

“Oh, Zacharias and I were talking about how to use the current infighting to kill the Post Access Act and naturally we discussed what we knew of its author. Nothing like gossip to keep someone distracted.”

“I still think the best way would be to stir up something in the press about the family,” Zacharias added stridently. “You know that whole clan likes to close ranks. If we do it right...”

“You’ll cripple the half of the Ministry that is running,” Eddie finished. “Do that, and someone is going to wonder how it happened when it settles out.”

“So? What could happen. If they were competent, they wouldn’t be working for the Ministry to begin with,” Zacharias replied.

That brought a reflexive chuckle from around the table.

“True, true,” Eddie replied. “But if the Minister himself is involved…”

“Then maybe it’s time for people to remember that he, too, puts on his trousers one leg at a time,” Romilda said with a wide smile.

~/~/~

For the next two weeks, Eddie was in and out of the Ministry trying to finesse his contacts into agreeing to the Post Access Act. He was no Kingsley Shacklebolt, but he figured it couldn’t hurt. Unfortunately, he was working at cross-purposes with Zacharias.

For him, his entire business was built on his connections with people. He knew them, he listened, and he understood what made them tick. And with that understanding, he could find a way to frame his goals to their advantage. Despite that, too many of the levers of power in the Ministry were pridefully pure-blooded. Sure, so was he, but it meant no more to him than his sandy brown hair - it just was. Zacharias was a Smith. That mattered to the proud. It gave Zacharias an advantage when it came to manipulating certain people in power. He got a first-hand lesson when he ran across Zacharias lunching with Henry Bagshot.

He walked in on the two them dining in the Ministry cafeteria, speaking conspiratorially. Henry was listening intently as Zacharias murmured, pitching his voice under the normal hum of a busy space. Cast a silencio and people try and listen in; talk normally and everyone ignores you. Eddie took a nearby seat and pulled out an Extendable Ear. Using a subtle leviosa, he navigated one end under the table occupied by Zacharias and Henry. Picking up a copy of the Prophet, Eddie pretended to read while waiting for a lunch date as he listened in.

“...it’s not that simple, Zacharias,” Henry whined.

“Of course it is, Henry. Just because you don’t want to do it doesn’t mean its hard to do,” Zacharias replied mildly.

“Look, the Minister himself is cracking down on this. He’s got Cuthbert in line already and there’s no way my boss is going to try and defy the Secretary.”

“You shouldn’t worry about Cuthbert. He’ll have other problems to deal with shortly,” Zacharias  
said, buffing his nails on his robe.

“You keep saying that like it means something.”

“Oh, it does. Cuthbert is not a problem, I assure you. Now, you will do what I’ve requested, Henry?”

Henry’s face fell and he nodded. Despite his half-eaten meal - considerably less fine than the one he shared with Eddie a few months ago - Henry left without another word. Zacharias smiled smugly and tucked into his own lunch.

Eddie withdrew his Extendable Ear and exited the cafeteria. It didn’t take much to catch up with Henry.

“Ah, Henry! I haven’t seen you in a while,” he hailed, maneuvering between various ministry employees making their way to and from their own offices.

“Eddie, sorry, too busy to talk,” Henry said over his shoulder as he picked up speed.

Eddie sped up as well and fell into step with Henry. “Oh, you always have time for family, don’t you?”

“Afraid I don’t today,” Henry said, his breath starting to come in pants.

“But I wanted to follow up with you on the whole Post bill…” Eddie began. Henry came to a dead stop in the hall outside the elevator.

“Look, Zacharias already made it clear to me that it’s time for the Owl Post to come into own as its own separate department. And since my boss is on board, I’m going to make that happen. Then we’ll make sure that the post is properly managed. Now, I really don’t have time for this. If you want to see me, try a weekend. Good day, Eddie.” Henry boarded the elevator and closed the door in Eddie’s surprised face.

**April 2019**

> Daily Prophet
> 
> Minister Resolves Inter-Departmental Dispute  
>  Post Access Act tabled as part of settlement  
>  by Honoria Shacklebolt, senior correspondent
> 
> The Ministry has resumed normal functioning after the Minister intervened in the inter-departmental dispute between the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, the Magical Transportation Department, and the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. The Minister was forced to table the Post Access Act to restore peace after the Owl Postmaster General, Matthias Rowle, and the head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, Eugene Cuthbert, attempted to turn the Owl Post into its own department within the Ministry in order to “ensure we have the proper staffing and budget to meet the needs of this far-reaching bill”.
> 
> Under-secretary for the Owl Postmaster General, Henry Bagshot, explained to this correspondent, “There’s no way that the Owl Post, in its current form, could meet the needs outlined in Hermione Weasley’s bill. The best way to ensure that this bill could be enacted is to make the Owl Post an independent department with all the attendant authority and standing in the Ministry. Unfortunately, this would also have necessitated a rise in postage rates and tighter regulation on the selling, breeding, and usage of owls in Britain. The Minister felt that this would place an undue burden on the public and chose to table the bill. The Owl Post will remain under the oversight of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures.”
> 
> After this contentious bill was tabled - a common term for a bill that has been killed - the Ministry returned to normal cooperation and operations.
> 
> The Minister’s office declined to comment for this article.
> 
> See page 47 for a detailed timeline of the departmental dispute, page 53 for information about the contents of the defunct bill.

Eddie nearly skipped the monthly dinner with Zacharias and Romilda after reading the article in the Prophet. Instead, he took his time arriving, flying around on his broom in a Muggle-free area until he had to go. The flight left his cheeks red and his hair oh-so casually tousled; he looked like someone who hadn’t a care in the world.

He checked his broom with the hostess and sauntered back to their standard table. Zacharias and Romilda were sitting on opposite sides of the table, glaring at each other.

“Hey, I thought we’d be celebrating,” Eddie said as he approached. Taking his normal seat between the two, he signaled the waiter for a glass of wine.

“We would be, but someone got too clever,” Romilda spat, glaring over Eddie’s shoulder at Zacharias.

Zacharias smirked. “You’re just upset because no one fell for your so-called charms.” Looking at Eddie, he added, “She tried to bed Weasley’s secretary, Dennis Creevy. I can’t remember the last time anyone ran that fast.”

“Little Muggle,” Romilda said. “He probably wouldn’t know what to do with a real witch if she hexed him.”

Zacharias started to laugh. “Or he knows you’re a viper on two legs. Wasn’t he in your house back in school?”

“Yes. And he was an annoying little Muggle then, too,” Romilda muttered.

Eddie joined Zacharias in his laughter. He couldn’t help it. Romilda always assumed she could use sex to get what she wanted from men. Unfortunately, she was usually right. It was refreshing to see her rejected.

Romilda looked over at the two of them laughing at her expense and pushed herself away from the table with a screech. “I’m going to go freshen up,” she growled before she stalked off.  
Eddie and Zacharias let their laughter fade off. More sober, Eddie asked Zacharias, “So, if she couldn’t seduce the bill out of existence, how did you manage to kill it?”

Zacharias puffed up his chest and buffed his nails on his robes. Eddie resisted the urge to grit his teeth as he listened to his pompous, condescending explanation. “It’s all a matter of who you know...and knowing where the bodies are buried. Eugene Cuthbert made some...well-timed sales right around the time of the Ministry purges after the war. I merely reminded him that those sales transactions are not confidential should the Aurory request specific records. After that, he was quite cooperative. In fact, he gave me everything I needed to persuade his underlings to push for the Owl Post office to split off into its own department. Everyone knows that Minister Shacklebolt has been pushing to streamline and shrink the Ministry’s bureaucracy and simple logic said he’d never agree to anything that would expand the Ministry. Thus, the bill is dead and not a one of our hands was anywhere near the knife.

“I wonder how long Romilda will let me hold onto this favor,” he added as she returned to the table.

“No longer than I absolutely have to,” Romilda snapped. “Now, can we please get dinner?”

Zacharias summoned their waiter and they order their meals. Talk turned to the normal gossip and Eddie wondered how he could get the bill back on track.

~/~/~

The following Monday, George Weasley was waiting outside his office.

“George, welcome, have a seat” Eddie said, as he removed his cloak and escorted his client inside.

George didn’t sit. Instead he began to pace. The moment Eddie closed the door behind his, he began to speak.

“I thought you were supposed to be good at this, Carmichael,” George began. “I wouldn’t have dreamed of hiring a blood-conscious weasel like you if I didn’t think you could get results. I’ve got a thousand Obscuro boxes in my warehouse and no customers for them. What am I going to do with them now? No one cares about security in their parcels unless they actually think someone’s going to see.” His hands were waving and pointing, emphasizing his words.

Eddie let the insult pass. He leaned back in his chair and replied mildly, “I’ll take it you heard the bill is off?”

“Hermione couldn’t talk about anything else at dinner last night. I think she may actually attempt to dismantle her old department brick by brick, she’s so furious. Even the fact that Kingsley said he’d let her bring the bill back up in a few months didn’t keep her calm.”

George collapsed into a chair like a puppet whose strings had been cut. “Carmichael, I need that bill back yesterday.”

Eddie had sat up sharply at the mention of the bill being placed on hold. “Did you say that Kingsley didn’t kill her bill? He just put it on hold?”

“Isn’t that what I just said?” George asked.

Eddie smiled. “George, I may be able to help you after all. Let me reach out to some of my contacts. Now that everyone thinks the bill is dead, we may be able to slip it though. It’s just a matter of finding the right people to help.”

George sighed. “I hope you’re right.”

Eddie shrugged. “I told you before that I wouldn’t make you any promises. Look, there’s still a lot of parties who have no desire to see this bill move forward. But everyone thinks it’s dead. We may be able to get it passed if they’re not looking while we do it.”

“What do you mean there’s a lot of parties who don’t want this bill?”

“Just that. And, frankly, your sister-in-law has made a habit of stepping all over people’s toes in her time at the Ministry.”

“Hermione’s got the best intentions in the world,” George said quietly.

“But she doesn’t have a lot of feel for Ministry politics.” Eddie paused, then added, “George, can you do me a favor and keep her from talking about the bill to anyone for a month or so? It would make things significantly easier if I can disassociate her from it.”

George nodded. “I can do that.”

“Good. Then let me see what I can do,” Eddie said confidently.

He got up to escort George out of the office when another idea came to him. “You’re brother is still an Auror, right?”

“Ron, yeah,” George answered. “So?”

“Have him request records from Borgin and Burkes sales in 1999 concerning Ministry employees who successfully transitioned from Scrimgeour to Thickness and then to Shacklebolt’s tenures.” Eddie said. “That should keep things interesting enough to give me room to manoeuvre.”

George’s eyes narrowed. “Really? What specifically is he looking for, Carmichael?”

“No idea,” Eddie replied breezily. “But I have an idea that he’ll find some interesting information in the records.”

George shrugged. “I’ll tell him. It can’t hurt, I suppose.”

“Good man,” Eddie said and he opened the door for his client. The minute George was gone, Eddie began to look through his files for the perfect proxy for the Post Access Act.

**May 2019**

> Daily Prophet
> 
> Ministry Department Head Arrested  
>  Eugene Cuthbert exposed as Death Eater sympathizer  
>  by Miles Farrow
> 
> The Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures is in upheaval as its head, Eugene Cuthbert, was arrested yesterday on charges that he was an active collaborator with Death Eaters during the last war with You-Know-Who and his supporters. Cuthbert, 87, had worked for the Ministry since 1957. He started in the Werewolf Registry and worked his way up in the department until he became its head in 1991, during Cornelius Fudge’s tenure as Minister. The year You-Know-Who took over the Ministry and placed Pius Thicknesse as Minister, Cuthbert was allowed to remain the head of the department; he was the only head to remain in position during Thicknesse’s tenure.
> 
> When Kingsley Shacklebolt was elected by the Wizengamot to serve as Minister, he began a detailed investigation of Ministry employees who stayed. His public policy was to root out those who actively cooperated and supported You-Know-Who’s aims. Cuthbert remained in his post, leaving all those who observed the housecleaning at the Ministry to conclude that Cuthbert was not a collaborator.
> 
> However, an anonymous tip received by the Aurory last month prompted a new investigation into Cuthbert’s ties with the pureblood supremacy movement. Lamia Caraway, spokeswitch for the MLE, said, “The Aurors received an anonymous tip that Cuthbert was a Death Eater sympathizer. The MLE takes this charge seriously and we began a quiet investigation., We turned up numerous dark artifacts that had been in Cuthbert’s possession until shortly before Minister Shacklebolt began investigation ministry employees in 1999. In addition, we found clear evidence that Cuthbert had been an active supporter of [You-Know-Who] and his aims during his takeover of the Ministry. He has been taken into custody and will be formally charged later today.”
> 
> Madeline Harding, Cuthbert’s senior secretary had been appointed head of the department pro-tem, pending the Wizengamot’s next session.
> 
> Continued on page 4.

Zacharias was furious when he arrived for dinner. He tossed his copy of the Prophet on the table. The hard folded edge of the paper hit the stem of Romilda’s wine glass, sending its contents straight into the witch’s face and down her designer blouse.

“Merlin’s pants, what is your problem, Zacharias?” Romilda sputtered. The wine was causing her hair to curl and frizz around her face and her makeup was beginning to run in rivulets down her face. She looked like she was melting and Eddie stifled a laugh. With a furious glare, she drew her wand and began to clean up the mess the wine had made of her appearance.

“One of you two utter bastards sold out one of my customers to the Aurors,” Zacharias spit. His hands were balled into fists and his wand was emitting sparks from its sheath up his sleeve. Eddie’s urge to laugh died. He picked up the paper Zacharias had tossed and read the article on Cuthbert’s arrest.

Completely sober now, Eddie passed the article to Romilda, who had restored her appearance back to perfection. Romilda read it, muttering the words under her breath. When she finished, she tossed the paper back into Zacharias’ chest.

“How can you possibly think we had anything to do with it?” Romilda snapped. “Everyone known Borgin and Burkes deals in dark artifacts. The Aurors must get anonymous tips all the time.”

Zacharias sneered. “Really, Romilda? That’s the best excuse you have? Next time you set up one of my customers - one that helped kill that blasted bill, by the way - please try and do better than pointing the Aurors directly at records from twenty years ago!”

Zacharias stormed off, leaving the two of them still at the table. Eddie looked at Romilda. “What was that all about?” he whispered.

Romilda replied, “I don’t know, Eddie. I really don’t. Why would he think it was us? We don't do that to each other. That’s the whole deal behind our dinners - we share information, we help each other out when we can, and we don’t screw each other over.”

Romilda stood and tossed her napkin on the table. “I’m going to go see if I can talk Zacharias into seeing sense. See you next month, Eddie.”

Eddie sat alone at the table, sipping his wine, a sour feeling in his stomach.

~/~/~

Eddie spent the following week mulling over what happened at dinner. The self-styled PaLS - the Pureblood Lobbyists Society - really was intended to do what Romilda said. They met every month to share information, to give each other a hand when they could, and they were never, ever supposed to screw each other over. Everyone they dealt with knew they were talking to lobbyists, people who made their living influencing the Ministry’s bureaucracy. And every time they talked with someone, each of them was constantly looking for ways to use that person, now or in the future. Their monthly dinners were the only honest conversations they had. Taking opposite stances on a issue was one thing. Using information given honestly to advance his own aim...Eddie reluctantly realized that he had treated Zacharias like he treated everyone else - he was a mark to be used. He hoped that his duplicity never came to light. Meanwhile the best thing he could do was get the Post Access Act signed by Minister Shacklebolt as soon as possible.

He began by bumping into Dennis Creevy in the main ministry cafeteria and upending his lunch - a bowl of tomato soup - on him.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Eddie gushed, whipping out his wand to siphon up the red-orange liquid. Dennis blushed as drew his own wand to help.

“No worries,” Dennis replied. “Accidents happen.”

As he finished cleaning up the soup, Eddie offered, “Let me buy you lunch. The least I can do after spilling yours all over you.”

Dennis grinned, showing off a gap in his teeth. “Thanks, I’ll take you up on that. By the way, my name is Dennis. Dennis Creevy. I work for Hermione Weasley in the MLE.”

Eddie shook the offered hand. “Eddie Carmichael. I run a consulting firm that does a lot of business with the ministry.”

A frown crossed Dennis’ face for a moment before he smiled. “Pleasure to meet you, Eddie.”

They talked about their respective times at Hogwarts as they traversed the cafeteria line. Meals in hand, they found an open table in the crowded public cafeteria and sat down. The moment they did, Dennis drew his wand and cast a spell that seemed to surround them with a soft buzzing noise.

“So, Eddie, tell me why took the time and effort to engineer this conversation,” Dennis said casually.

Eddie blinked. “What?”

Dennis sighed. “No one can overhear us. Muffliato makes it impossible for anyone to listen in. Look, Hermione doesn’t hire dumb. Tell me what you want.”

Eddie revised his opinion of Dennis Creevy upward several notches and revised his pitch. You couldn’t talk to overt Gryffindors like Dennis like you could normal people. “Dennis, you’re right. I did run into for a reason. I’ve been hired by a company to get the Post Access Act passed. After everything that’s been said about the bill, I need your help to get my hands on a copy of the actual language of the bill. If I can see exactly what it says - not what everyone thinks it says - I think I can help your boss and my client get what they want.”

Dennis’ eyes narrowed. “How can I trust you?”

Eddie sighed and played what he hoped was his trump card. “Because I’m the one who tipped off the Aurors to look at Cuthbert after he managed to get the bill killed.”

“Really? You must know I can verify that, right?”

“I know you can. And believe me, I wouldn’t have told you that if I was lying. Or unless I thought I had to. But I need your help. Can you get me a copy of the bill?”

“I’ll need to check a couple of things out. I’ll owl you in a couple of days and let you know. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to eat my lunch,” Dennis said and the buzzing sound surrounding them disappeared. Eddie nodded and left Dennis alone at his table, his own lunch left behind, uneaten.

Three days later, a Ministry owl delivered a draft copy of the bill to his office. Eddie sat down and went over the language in the bill with a quill in hand. When he finished, he whistled. Weasley was a piece of work. She had embedded so many subsections and clauses to cover every contingency that there was no way that anyone who objected could have read the bill. With a few small changes, he was confident he could get everyone who stonewalled the bill before - Floo Control, Owl Post, and the MLE - to agree to support it.

With a whistle, he summoned his owl, Karenina. The beautiful creature hooted as he scribbled a note. “Take this straight to Honoria Shacklebolt, but only deliver it when she is alone. Wait for a reply.” Karenina hooted and took off. Eddie kicked back in his chair, confident for the first time in months he could pull this off.

**June 2019**

> Daily Prophet
> 
> Post Access Act Returns  
>  Bill to be renamed the Muggle Crime Prevention Act  
>  by Honoria Shacklebolt, senior correspondent
> 
> The Post Access Act, the bill that was the source of much contention in the Ministry this spring, has come back as the Muggle Crime Prevention Act. The author of the bill, Hermione Weasley, sat down with this correspondent for an exclusive interview on the bill.
> 
> In our interview, Ms. Weasley explained, “Freddy Black is not the only squib or wizard to use magic or magical items to take advantage of Muggles. Indeed, he isn’t even the worst, if you consider [He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named] and his followers. All the Muggle Crime Prevention Act will do is bind owls to only deliver to pre-defined Muggle locations and enable Aurors, in possession of proper warrants, to search suspicious packages.
> 
> “We don’t expect this bill to put an end to wizards abusing Muggles for their own amusement. We do expect it to make it harder for them to do so. When we use magic or magical artifacts to take advantage of Muggles, we breach the secrecy of our world. If we want to remain safe from Muggles, we must in turn keep them safe from us.”
> 
> The renamed Muggle Crime Prevention Act is expected to go before the Minister next month.
> 
> See page 19 for the complete interview, page 33 for a detailed breakdown of how the bill will impact owl post.

Eddie expected the next PaLS dinner to be acrimonious. He wasn’t prepared for Romilda to plant a kiss on his cheek as a greeting when he arrived and Zacharias to hand him a gillywater. Taking his normal seat between the two, he sipped the gillywater and looked at his companions.

“I’ll take it you’ve calmed down, Zacharias,” Eddie asked with another sip of his drink.

“In a manner of speaking. Romilda and I did some talking with several friends of ours.” Zacharias smiled. “I think you have some explaining to do.”

Eddie bit his tongue hard enough to draw blood and shoved the gillywater, half-gone, away from him.

“Veritaserum?” he asked with a horrified look at Romilda.

“Of course. My own brew,” she said, with a shark grin of her own. “Plus a mild variant of the Babbling Beverage to ensure you hold nothing back.”

Zacharias tapped Eddie on the shoulder. “Now that we have your attention, I’d like to discuss the problem I brought up last month. The one where someone at this table used confidential information regarding one of my customers to have him arrested as a pureblood supremacist. Now, you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you, Eddie?”

Eddie struggled to not speak, to thwart the potions in his system. He squirmed in his seat and tried to get up. Romilda scooted closer to hold him in place. Finally, he couldn’t resist the urge any longer and he began to talk. He told them every detail of it, including how George Weasley had hired him to get the bill passed and how he’d already made damn sure that all of the levers they had used to derail the bill last time were neutralized this time. How he’d seduced Honoria to ensure she’d report favorably on the bill and had Dennis Creevy convince Hermione Weasley to give an interview to the Prophet. And how deeply sorry he was that he’d fucked them over in the process.

Eddie was breathless when he finished. Romilda and Zacharias were looking at each other over his shoulders. Romilda leaned over and whispered in his ear, “Payback is a bitch, Eddie.”

With that, Zacharias and Romilda left. Eddie watched them leave before tossing a few galleons on the table and bolting.

~/~/~

The fallout began the three days later when Honoria barged into his office and began to shriek hexes at him. Eddie frantically cast a shielding spell and hunkered down behind it as the crazed witch turned his office into a storm of paper and splinters. She screamed epithets at him and from the disjointed ranting, Eddie gathered she’d been suspended from the Prophet for unethical behavior after someone reported that she had traded sex for a story.

He didn’t know the Prophet had standards to begin with.

His secretary, Lisette, came to his rescue twenty minutes later, after Honoria was beginning to tire. His secretary, who he had never noticed for any magical talent other than the ability to brew a fantastic cup of coffee, disarmed, bound, and gagged Honoria Shacklebolt before the witch knew they’d been interrupted.

She contacted the Ministry to have someone collect the reporter and began to wave her wand about to set the office to rights. She even managed to salvage his files from a shredded mess. Finally, with Honoria removed to St. Mungo’s for observation and his office returned to normal, she put her hands on her hips and looked at him like he was an errant schoolboy. “What was that all about, Mr. Carmichael?”

“That, Lisette, was payback being a bitch.”

Eddie didn’t wait for the next blow. Instead, he went straight to the Ministry and cornered Dennis Creevy in his office. An owl bearing a howler followed him in.

“Dennis,” Eddie began, only to have Creevy hold up his hand. Eddie fell silent and waited for him to disarm the Howler. The envelope was opened and he heard the shrill harpy version of a female voice.

“Hermione! How could you betray our family so? We took you in, gave you home, accepted you as one of our own! I even let you wear my great-aunt Mildred’s tiara on your wedding day. How could you betray Ron? Was he worth it? You should have trusted your brains instead of trying to sleep your way to the top of your department! I’m ashamed to have ever called you my daughter! I never want to see your face again!”

The voice ended on a choking sob before the envelope burst into flames. Dennis neatly deposited the remains in a steel wastebasket. Taking a seat behind his desk, he said mildly, “I’m afraid Ms. Weasley’s not available today. She’s out of the office due to a family emergency. How can I help you, Mr. Carmichael?”

Eddie signed and took a seat before Dennis. “You can tell me this is all worth it, Dennis. Is the bill still on?”

Dennis closed his eyes and nodded. “Mr. Hightower on the Wizengamot is threatening a recall of Minister Shacklebolt if he signs the bill. He’s got a third of them locked up ready to vote with him if he does. But the Minister intends to sign the bill.”

Eddie nodded. Looking at the ashes in the wastebasket, he sighed and said, “I’m sorry about all this. I’m afraid it may get worse before it gets better.”

Dennis just shook his head and said, “Go. I’ve got too much to do right now.”

Eddie slunk out of the office, trying to figure out how he could defuse a Wizengamot recall. Deciding it couldn’t be helped, he went down to the secretarial pool to find Felicia Chang. She was in her office, but not alone; Romilda was in there with her. His heart sank. He needed a source in the Wizengamot who could tell him what Hightower was thinking. Taking a deep breath, he went to track down an old housemate of his, Lisa Turpin.

Last he recalled, Lisa was working as a private secretary for Andorra Leicester, a junior member of the Wizengamot. Leicester frequently served as an interrogator on Wizengamot panels and Lisa’s secretarial duties included a good deal of investigative work to prepare her boss for upcoming trials. He could only hope she was in and willing to talk to him.

He took his time going down to the lower levels of the Ministry where the Wizengamot was housed. He was not looking forward to this conversation at all.

He wasn’t sure if he was lucky or not when he found Lisa in her office. She was on her knees in front of the the fireplace, immersed in green fire up to her shoulders. Eddie took a moment to admire the view. She still had great legs.

“Thank you, Mr. Burke. We appreciate your cooperation,” Lisa said. She pulled herself out of the fire and stood up, dusting herself off.

“Hello, gorgeous,” Eddie said, still leaning against the doorframe in her office.

“Eddie Carmichael. Have I told you to go fuck yourself today?” Lisa said brightly.

“Not yet.” Eddie smiled and moved to take a seat in front of Lisa’s desk.

“Oh, don’t bother to sit down. I’m just going to tell you to fuck off and get the fuck out of my office.”

Eddie sat down deliberately. “I’ve always admired your command of the language. It’s almost as impressive as your legs.”

Lisa glared at him across her desk, piled high with neatly sorted piles of paper. The walls were lined with volumes covering history, culture, law, genealogy, and even international relations. Some were even clearly Muggle in origin. Eddie whistled. He almost wished he could stay and raid her office library.

“Where was I? Oh, yes. Fuck you, fuck off, and get the fuck out.”

“You haven’t even heard me out yet, Lisa.”

“I don’t particularly want to,” Lisa shot back.

“You can’t still be mad…” Eddie trailed off.

“Yes, I can, Eddie. You discredited my work on anti-miscegenation laws before the Wizengamot. You tricked me into laying out my whole argument for you - with sources - and then you undercut me. Publicly. You made me look stupid,” Lisa hissed. “You set my career back at least five years with that little stunt.

“So, yes, I might still be mad. So, where was I? Oh, yes. Get. Out. Or I’m calling in security.”

Eddie got up. He hadn’t realized she would be quite so angry still. That had been nearly two years ago. He started to walk out and then stopped. He turned around and leaned over the desk and said in a near-whisper, “What if I can help you get back some of those five years?”

Lisa glared. “Who are you going to fuck over in the process?”

“For starters, Hightower.”

“Clarence? That obsolescent hack? Why?”

“He’s put together a faction of the Wizengamot to force a recall of the Minister if he signs the Muggle Crime Prevention Act. I need to figure out who got to him and how.”

Lisa crossed her arms and looked at him thoughtfully. “The rumor mill says he has a new mistress, a young one. If it’s true, that’s your most likely point of leverage. He’s at least a hundred and spits when he talks. The only reason a young witch would spend time with him is because she was being well compensated.”

Eddie grinned. “Oh, I think that’s a given. Now, I’ve heard that Leicester is a hell-raiser when it comes to ethics.”

“Oh, she is. That’s what got me into so much trouble with you.”

“Good. What if I can show that Hightower is being unduly influenced by his new mistress?”

Lisa grinned. “She’d hang him with it if he tried to force a recall.”

“Then, my lady, I shall deliver this proof to you.”

“Eddie, if you can do that, I may even forgive you for being an utter bastard one day.”

Eddie laughed and walked out of Lisa’s office. He whistled as he went to track down an old friend of his who was good at keeping track of people. Jamie should be able to follow old Hightower around and find out who his new mistress was. Eddie suspected that it would be Romilda or someone she hired for the role. Zacharias worked with people when he already had leverage; Romilda would manufacture it. He had to admit, she was impressive when she wanted to be. In three days she’d damn near turned everything he’d done last month upside down and she’d cost him his friendliest connection at the Prophet to boot.

That was one scary witch.

**July 2019**

> Witch Weekly
> 
> Inside the Home of Hermione and Ron Weasley  
>  How these two war heroes make it work
> 
> by Melinda Markham
> 
> Hermione and Ron Weasley are, of course, the two best friends of Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived Twice, and are best known for their role in defeating He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Today, they live in a lovely cottage just outside of Ottery St. Catchpole. Their home, for security reasons, is Unplottable. Hermione is a high-ranking official in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and Ron is a senior Auror. Their children, Rose, 13, and Hugo, 11, are off at Hogwarts.
> 
> Still, despite the demands of parenthood and busy careers, the couple have a lovely, charming, and welcoming home. Ron says, “Of course we’re not here all the time, but when we are, this is home.” Hermione, sitting by his side, their hands intertwined, added, “This is our space. We don’t bring our work home with us. When we’re here, it’s about family.”
> 
> “And now that the kids are off at Hogwarts?”
> 
> Hermione and Ron don’t speak, but she blushes becomingly and Ron gets a wide grin on his face.
> 
> Continued on page 87.

Eddie had owled Romilda to meet him thirty minutes before dinner. She showed up in her trademark red, with robes of garnet over a simple grey business suit. She was dressed for battle. He was waiting for her.

After she sat down and ordered her wine, he handed her a plain envelope made fat with documents. “I didn’t think you wanted Zacharias to see these,” he said.

Romilda tore open the envelope and spilled the pictures out on the table. Eddie added mildly, “I didn’t think you’d want a passersby to see them either. But you do have a remarkable exhibitionist streak.”

Romilda flipped through the photos, her face blank. The photos left no question that she was responsible for hiring the witch playing the role of Hightower’s new mistress. The pictures also made clear that she was a hands-on and enthusiastic supporter of the relationship.

“Nice to see how well ‘Passionate Embrace’ really works,” she replied, carefully putting the photos back in the envelope and tucking them away in her robe. “Now what do you want Eddie?”

“A truce. You stop from trying to trash my connections in the Ministry and I’ll make sure those photos never see the light of day.”

Romilda sighed. “Deal. Besides, I think you learned your lesson.”

“Yeah, I did. Next time, I’ll just admit to a client conflict. But I do have a surprise for you.”

“Oh, really? A carrot now that I’ve had the stick?”

Eddie winced. “I suppose. I prefer to think of it as a balm to soothe the wound. Here.” He passed over another envelope, much slimmer than the last. Romilda opened it and pulled out an exclusive contract for the Potioneer Society to purchase packaging materials from Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes at a preferential discount.

“George Weasley has perfected something he’s marketing as Obscuro packaging. It can prevent any package from being opened by anyone other than its intended recipient. If the package is opened, it can either destroy the packaging, alerting the recipient that the package was opened, or destroy the contents.”

Romilda tucked the contract into her robes. “I think that’s an acceptable peace offering.”

“Good. I have one for Zacharias when he gets here.”

“He’ll sign it tonight. He knows as well as I do that the Muggle Protection bill is going to be signed any day now. Borgin and Burkes has been scrambling to find a way to package their products since he realized we couldn’t prevent the bill from moving forward.”

Eddie smiled and raised his glass in a toast. “To wizarding nature. May it always be mutable.”

Romilda met his toast with a smile.

~/~/~

Eddie sent an owl to George Weasley a week later with copy of the signed contracts with the Potioneer Society and Borgin and Burkes, along with his bill. George Weasley arrived in his office twenty minutes later.

“I expected to see you, Mr. Weasley.”

“1500 Galleons?” he sputtered.

“You did say you’d double my fee if I could get the bill signed. It was, yesterday. And, of course, expenses. I’m afraid private investigators don’t come cheap. But they do excellent work. It’s all itemized on my bill.”

“1500 Galleons?”

“Mr. Weasley, I am a specialist. You wanted - and got - my contacts and expertise on the Ministry and how to maneuver a bill through its Byzantine depths to the Minister’s desk. I delivered. I even secured contracts with two interested parties for your new product line. What, precisely, makes you think you didn’t get your knut’s worth?”

George grinned and pulled a large money bag from his robes and tossed it on Eddie’s desk. It landed with a satisfying thud. “I suppose you did. Good work, Carmichael. If I need some more Ministry work, I’ll send you an owl.”

Eddie smiled back. “I look forward to your business.”


End file.
